Summary

In this conversation, Erika Taylor-Beck speaks with Laura Rippeon, a mental health professional and coach, about her journey in the field of mental health, the challenges of burnout, and the importance of setting boundaries. Laura shares her experiences working with stressed-out women and small business owners, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and personal growth. They discuss the societal pressures surrounding work and the shift in perspectives on career fulfillment, as well as practical strategies for managing burnout and prioritizing values in life. In this conversation, Laura and Erika delve into the complexities of setting boundaries, particularly for women, and the discomfort that often accompanies personal growth. They discuss the importance of understanding one's values, the grieving process that comes with change, and the necessity of seeking support from community and professionals. Practical tools for navigating these challenges, such as mindfulness and vulnerability with a plan, are also highlighted, emphasizing that personal growth is a journey best undertaken with guidance and support.

Takeaways

• Laura Rippeon works with stressed-out women and small business owners. She runs Calm Waters Counseling in North Carolina.

• Burnout is a common issue among professionals, especially in helping fields.

• Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining mental health and well-being.

• Self-awareness plays a key role in recognizing what brings joy and fulfillment.

• Many people are reevaluating their work-life balance and prioritizing personal values.

• The conversation highlights the importance of community and support among wellness practitioners.

• Laura emphasizes the need for introverted individuals to find their own marketing strategies.

• Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and understanding personal needs.

• The shift in work culture is leading to more discussions about burnout and mental health.

• Laura's journey illustrates the importance of adapting one's career path to align with personal values. We are not taught how to respond to boundaries.

• Setting boundaries can lead to discomfort, but it's necessary for growth.

• Women often face societal pressures to accommodate others.

• Personal growth involves grieving past identities and relationships.

• It's important to expand your comfort zone for personal development.

• Vulnerability with a plan makes change more manageable.

• Mindfulness helps in responding rather than reacting to situations.

• Seeking support from coaches or therapists is crucial during transitions.

• Community can provide the necessary support during personal growth.

• Personal happiness should take precedence over pleasing others.

Chapters

00:00Introduction to Laura Rippeon

06:11The Impact of Burnout on Professionals

12:02The Importance of Values and Boundaries

18:08Shifting Perspectives on Work and Life

23:58The Role of Self-Awareness in Personal Development

29:00The Gender Dynamics of Boundary Setting

36:31Practical Tools for Navigating Change

42:17Finding Support and Community

Erika Taylor-Beck (00:23)

Hello everybody, welcome to stumbling forward. I'm Erika and today I have the opportunity of talking with Laura Rippeon Laura, hi, welcome. Thanks for joining me today.

Laura (00:32)

I'm so excited to be here and chatting with you today. So looking forward to this.

Erika Taylor-Beck (00:36)

Excellent. Well, I'm glad to have you. So would you like to share a little bit about who you are, what you do and just who's Laura?

Laura (00:42)

Hey, so I wear a few different hats, but I am located here in Wilmington, North Carolina, where I have my own mental health private practice. I work a lot with stressed out and overwhelmed women who are experiencing anxiety and most recently seeing a whole lot of ADHD in my clients.

When I am not in my therapy business, I also have a coaching business where I work with introverted therapists and other wellness practitioners who are small business owners. And I really enjoy helping them as introverts work through their marketing and mindset and getting visible and showing up in different ways.

So that's a lot of fun. And then when I'm not doing those things, I have another side hustle gig that I do with two business friends with Jenna and Samantha. And we basically go around areas here in the Carolinas. And each of us are therapists. Each of us also have coaching businesses and other things that we do. And so we like to combine these.

things and create events for other wellness small business owners that focus a little bit on business stuff and a little bit on self-care things because we're not always the best at doing the self-care. as business owners but those of us who are helpers and healers a lot of times we're putting everybody else first so it's kind of nice to be able to help out our community and do that for them too. So when I'm not doing all of that I'm a dog mom

I have three French Bulldogs. I live here at the beach. I enjoy going out to restaurants and trying new coffee spots and things like that. So yeah, that's a little bit about me.

Erika Taylor-Beck (02:21)

When do you have time to sleep?

Laura (02:23)

Very good question. Yes. yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, I go through my day and at the end of the day, you will most likely find me with my laptop. I might be cozied up in bed. I know that's kind of a no-no. And sometimes we talk about that with clients having good boundaries.

Erika Taylor-Beck (02:25)

I'm trying to squeeze that into my calendar because you're like if I'm not doing this I'm doing this when I'm not doing that I'm also and so I was like wow there's not a lot of free time in that

Laura (02:47)

But you know what? I will sit there and I will turn the TV on and watch a show while doing a note or something and it's just a nice wind down for me. yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (02:57)

if it's something that helps to recharge you, I don't think it's bad. Now, if you're doing it because you're trying to squeeze time out of the day and this is the only time I can do that, not good. But if you're just going to wind down, sit like a shrimp, watch my computer and my TV, that's what I know. When I'm like in my shrimp mode, I'm that's what I'm probably overly comfortable. And I have to remember about posture and aging. But that's that's good.

Laura (02:58)

Yeah!

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's a lot. Burn out.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. I love that. I've never heard that shrimp mode. That's a one. yes. Yes. Absolutely. Right. Good reminder.

Erika Taylor-Beck (03:25)

every time I see a little shrimp emoji, I chuckle because that's literally when I'm on the couch, I have my legs up and my I'm all forward OK, no, no. Spread out a little bit. Stretch your shoulders. So

you mentioned working with stressed out women, and I was like, well, it's 80 percent of women. So you probably have a full a full book there, but also helping with coaching.

Laura (03:46)

Yeah. Yes.

Erika Taylor-Beck (03:48)

How did you get into all of this? I'm sure this was not something that you were in elementary school thinking, I'm going to help stress out women and also small business owners. So how did this all come about?

Laura (03:58)

Yeah,

so it really started when I was younger. even thinking back to when I was little, I want to be a marine biologist do things with animals. I want to be a teacher. help out kids? So I knew I was kind of always in some way or realm.

like in some helping profession. As I got older, I went to school for social work for my undergrad and my master's degree. But when I was in undergrad, I was at a nonprofit for victims of domestic violence and intimate partner violence. And I had a whole wide variety of things that I did there.

And one of the things that I really enjoyed was being in the community, doing some education, like doing some of the marketing things behind the scenes. I really like doing the behind the scenes things. And I noticed that it was a struggle for me to really get in and connect one-on-one with some of the clients that were at the shelter that I was at.

And not because I didn't necessarily like it, but these other things just really interest me more. So I gravitated to that. And honestly speaking, when it came around time to doing reviews for the semester, my supervisor was like, I'm going to be honest with you. You are in danger of not passing because you're not doing one core thing. And I was

Okay, I gotta get it together. And we talked about, this and I told her where my interests were and that's why I gravitated to that. And she was like, that's great. But if that's what you want to do as you progress in your career, one of the pieces of advice that she gave me was

you have to be able to work one-on-one with these people and understand what is going on for them at a more micro level so that you can do the bigger picture things. And that has always stuck with me. I clearly I passed, went on to grad school. And when I was in grad school, I went straight out of undergrad and into grad school and they make you pick

Erika Taylor-Beck (05:58)

You

Laura (06:07)

I did an advanced standing program. I'm essentially jumping into my second year of grad school coming in. And so they were all right, you got to choose. you need to go to the micro level or what they call the macro level, which is going to be the more community-based, bigger things. And I was looking for jobs and I was like, I really don't want to do individual therapy stuff.

And what she said had just resonated, it was always back there, that little nugget. And to this day that nugget is still always back there. But I was like, okay, one, I'm gonna have these school loans, I gotta do something, I need to have a job. And everything I'm finding is therapy based. but I also remembered what she told me. And I know that I don't wanna do the therapy route and I would rather be doing other things, but I also know that this is gonna serve a purpose.

Erika Taylor-Beck (06:38)

Uh-uh.

Laura (06:51)

to wherever it is that I want to go after I shift out of that. So I went that route and graduated and I've done a bunch of things from community based things again with nonprofits at a group practice and then I'm originally from Maryland and so when I left the Maryland area in 2019 came down here to North Carolina and I was

Well, just go work in another group practice. then I was like, no, I can do this myself. why not move and start a business all at the same time? why, right? why not? Why not? So that's what we did And it was a wild ride because then not long after that COVID happened. So.

I knew that after I settled in and learned the ropes, I really enjoyed the back end of things. And not that I don't enjoy doing therapy and I love my clients, but I really enjoyed the back end of things. And what ended up happening is that I found myself in burnout mode.

And I didn't necessarily at first recognize it in that sort of way, but essentially that's what it was. And I had one of those moments of I'm gonna burn it all down. And I was like, Laura, you can't burn it all down. But what you do need to do is take a step back and find out like what needs to change.

the population you're working with. does that need to change? what are you enjoying about your day? What are you not enjoying about your day? those sorts of things. And I did a journaling exercise that was really helpful. And I basically came away from that with, one, I needed to narrow down a little bit more with the type of clients that I was seeing, the type of work that I was doing. But then two,

I needed to bring in a little, something else. I needed to diversify a little bit. And how can I do that? Well, I really enjoy the back end of things and I'm an introverted person and if I can build a successful sustainable business doing what I'm doing and not be out here on Instagram and social media

dancing to the trends and everything else to build a business and I know what has worked for me why can I not share that and help other people who are also quite introverted build their business. And so after that I put things in motion to start moving towards that and now here I am. Just like that. Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (09:10)

Ta-da! Ta-da! Just like that. It's all it took. Now, there's

a lot that you talked about in there. I love that you mentioned the burnout piece. because I think you're probably the third person in the last couple of weeks that I've talked to that said at one point, I wanted to burn it all to the ground, literally those words. And so when you said that, kind of chuckled because it's a very common feeling that people don't always share.

Laura (09:29)

Yeah.

Good

Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (09:36)

and talk about. Again, we always see the people's success of their Stripe notifications and all the money that they're making.

Laura (09:36)

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (09:43)

My client did X, and Z, and so I'm amazing. But no one talks about, I really thought about just scrapping the whole thing and going back to a nine to five or whatever that might look like. And I think it's really important to share that.

Laura (09:46)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (09:57)

Even successful business owners still have some days or some moments when it's just overwhelming because there is a lot that goes into it that people don't always see. So thank you for sharing that because again, I think people will relate and think, okay, thank God it's not just me. I, this is a common thing, but I also really like that you talked about being an introvert because I'm also very introverted and also a really bad dancer. So even if I wanted to do TikTok trends, I can't follow

Laura (10:02)

Yeah, I dunno.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely.

you

No.

No.

Erika Taylor-Beck (10:25)

any kind of step aerobics class or dance class, I can't

follow what they're doing in real time, especially if they're facing me and they're move to your left, but they're going to my right and I get confused because of that. So I'm not going to make any money dancing on TikTok unless it's because it goes viral for being that bad. that's maybe, maybe it's worth it. Maybe I should try that, but not something I really want to do. So it's nice to know that you can build a successful business.

Laura (10:31)

No.

Mmm.

No.

Yeah

No.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (10:53)

in a more natural

and aligned way that doesn't put you out and making you feel very uncomfortable and inauthentic because that I think is what turns people off from it is feeling like you have to be somebody totally different to be successful and you really don't. So that's nice to know that. And also thanks for sharing your story about here's this really core piece of what I do that I wasn't enjoying and almost failed because I didn't want to do it because I think it's it's nice so that you like doing the events and the

Laura (11:01)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (11:19)

the group types of things, because I think a lot of folks tend to think of it as only one-on-one and it doesn't have to be. And so that's nice too, to have that variety knowing that you can do either one, but just having that variety, I think is really helpful. So as a business owner and kind of as a coach,

Laura (11:19)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Hmm

Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (11:35)

You mentioned working with typically more women who are also working in therapy, maybe starting a business on the side. Do you have non-therapy type clients that are just random? I'm just a leadership coach. Do you have kind of non-therapy owners that are doing business as well?

Laura (11:50)

Oh yeah, so I would probably say that my therapy caseload is probably... I have a few entrepreneurs because I do market to that, but I see a lot of teachers. I see a lot of corporate who are also dealing with burnout and things. so it's really across the board.

But I tend to, the overachievers, the high achievers, the people pleasers, you know, that's kind of like what, yeah, right? You know, that's kind of what is my jam. And I love working because I'll put this out there.

a lot of times the people that we tend to work with are really reflections of ourself. And so I would totally put myself in that category. they're my jam and I get them so it's across the board, but a lot of helpers, a lot of helpers and a lot of corporate who are like it's sucking the soul out of me. I'm like, yeah.

We do lot of values work.

Erika Taylor-Beck (12:51)

Yeah.

Well, you mentioned burnout and that is something that we're seeing a lot. That's why I quit my corporate job last year and we're seeing a lot of folks that are running into that. Is it that it's more, prevalent or is it that people are starting to recognize it for what it is? And maybe it's always been this high, but we're just really starting to acknowledge this is not how it's supposed to be. And let's address that because yes, this is

Laura (12:55)

you

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm

Erika Taylor-Beck (13:14)

been like this for decades, but we're going to say no and put some boundaries in place? Or is this something that's just really picking up all of a sudden that maybe we weren't dealing with before?

Laura (13:19)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I think it's probably a few things, I think there's more of an awareness, and I think that it's being talked about more so people are, coming forward more. I also think that it's looking at our generation and our parents, most likely, and grandparents,

people stayed at their jobs a lot longer. there wasn't a whole lot of bouncing around. And so sometimes I think some of us, not all, but some of us see that and like the values that have come down the pike and instilled from our family and whatnot, right? hard work, I'm showing up every day. I'm not, over here like talking about work life balance and I'm just

Grinding it out and doing the things your parents and grandparents were probably not talking about I'm burnt out and What not so I think there's a couple different things probably influencing this and now we are over here saying No, it is like sucking the life out of me I want to prioritize

Erika Taylor-Beck (14:11)

Mm-mm.

Laura (14:22)

my family, my loved ones, I want to travel, right? I want to do XYZ. I want to go volunteer with the animals, whatever it is, what is giving me life? It is not this thing over here and I'm having terrible boundaries because my boss is calling me at seven in the morning telling me I need XYZ from you or staying late. And I think people are just recognizing more that

that's not okay with them and that's not the type of life that they want to leave. And so there's so much that's out of alignment. And so it's part of the work that we do together.

Erika Taylor-Beck (14:56)

And appreciate that because that's literally the point that I had gotten to. And like you said, it's not something that was ever really modeled for us growing up. And I think we're both millennials. And so I think that's something that, yeah, my dad worked for 40 something years at a steel mill and, and it was a tough job. And he went there, worked different shifts for my entire childhood and never

Laura (15:07)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (15:22)

really complained about it, just kind of did it. so that's just something that we saw as you go, work somewhere, you work there for decades and you retire and yay. And that's not the case anymore. Actually, especially in technology, I've seen and heard that people tend to respect your resume a little bit more when you move every few years because you're getting new skills, you're working with new tools and systems versus I've been at this company for 20 years and they're cool, you've been working with the same thing for a decade. It feels a little bit.

Laura (15:28)

Mm-hmm. Yep.

Hmm?

Yeah

Erika Taylor-Beck (15:48)

outdated because technology changes so rapidly. But I got to a point where I was burned out and I remember thinking working. Get up two days on a weekend. You try to scramble and get all your social time and your housework and stuff done. And then during the week, I was commuting into the office and working at home and doing life. And you go to bed, you get up, you work.

Laura (15:52)

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (16:09)

do your evening stuff, you go to bed, you get up. And like there has to be more to the world and to life than this. why did we settle for this? For 40 plus years, you work at least eight hours a day. You might get weekends if you're lucky and then you retire. You might have a good decade or two if you're, again, if you're lucky and then you die. But by the time that you retire, you're a little older, you're tired, maybe you're ill and have something that you can't travel.

Laura (16:11)

rinse and repeat.

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (16:34)

I'm like, this can't be it. And that was the feeling that really bothered me for a while. even though I love what I'm doing, there has to be more than this. I quit and was just winging my life for a while, volunteered with animals, like you had said. I did some volunteering with the shelters and rescues. And then I got back into coaching because I missed what I was doing. So how are you helping people who are having these

Laura (16:34)

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah. Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (16:57)

I thought it was a midlife crisis. I'm glad that it wasn't. I mean, I some people might call it that, but it was more of a, hey, this is bullshit and I don't want to do this anymore the way I'm doing it. And I think a lot of people are hitting that. so how are you helping those folks that are saying no more corporate or the man, I'm doing what I want to do now.

Laura (17:00)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, exactly. It's a lot of work around boundaries. It's a lot of work around figuring out what your values are. And how do you lean into those values? And, obviously not everybody's situation is going to be I can just up and quit,

So honoring that too, and then what needs to happen? if that's not the change that can be made, which is totally fine, what needs to happen? does that mean we need to figure out some better boundaries for you? Does that mean there needs to be some sort of accommodation? Does that mean that maybe we talk about how to shift your schedule so that it works better with your energy levels? it might

look very different. that's the part that we really work through. And sometimes there's lot of change is hard and there can be resistance to that change. And there's also a lot of mindset work that goes into this too. it's this all encompassing piece because, for so long,

for a lot of folks, it's do what I'm told. my boss says this, I do this. My parents told me to do this. I do this, right? sometimes it's also being open and curious and leaning into that uncomfortable. And it's a whole process. And I will also give clients that assignment that I gave myself when I was at that place of I'm burning it down.

a journaling exercise and this is not original by any means, I got this from another podcast that I listened to. the exercise itself was, a 30 day exercise. So days one through 29, you answer the same three questions. What did I like about my day? What did I not like about my day? And what did I learn about myself today? And these might be big things, but they also might be

This morning I sat down and had my favorite cup of coffee, Or I had to answer the phone today five times. That was probably mine. Right, exactly. And then on day 30, you go back through and review days one through 29. And it's, what did I enjoy this month? What did I not enjoy this month? What did I learn about myself this month? And it was really reflective.

Erika Taylor-Beck (19:06)

You

Laura (19:20)

Mm hmm. Yeah. But it's really about the values and the mindset and boundaries work. It's a lot of that.

Erika Taylor-Beck (19:27)

Yeah, that B word is tough. two things with that. One, the awareness. think we get so put on autopilot that we tune out us. like you said, I don't love talking on the phone. don't have answer on the phone, especially if I don't know who it is. And so I don't want to do that. And, just

Laura (19:29)

Swipe it.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (19:46)

But I know that about myself. But if there are some things that you don't realize that you don't enjoy because you just have to do them and say like, this is just part of my life. I got to do this thing. But when you go back and look and say, here's what I love about what I'm doing. I didn't realize that really lit me up so much. Or I wrote that six times in 10 days. Or here's what I really have been dreading. I think it's really eye opening sometimes to do that self-awareness and say, shoot, I have been tuning that out. Or, you know, my

Laura (19:58)

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (20:11)

my brain is so busy that I'm not catching on to intuition and other little signals that my body is giving me that this makes me happy or this makes me want to poke my eyes out. And the B word, boundaries, I don't think we're really taught. And I love when I hear about people now who have small children who teach them how to set boundaries because it wasn't something that we were taught. And now as an adult, I'm 41, I'm trying to figure out how to set better boundaries with things.

Laura (20:21)

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (20:35)

but

I find that the hardest boundaries I have to set are with myself because I don't always honor those. even if it's blocking off time on my calendar, I'm like, okay, from 10 to two today, I'm not gonna do anything because I need to do this thing. okay, well, this came up and I've got this window of four hours so I can, No I blocked it off to do something specific and now I'm allowing something else to take over. so making sure that we set those boundaries, but honor them ourselves. if we don't respect them, no one else is gonna respect them.

Laura (20:38)

Yup.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (21:03)

And that's something where we have to put those in place, but we're not really taught how to respond to the way that other people respond to our boundaries because we think, man, they're upset with me. I should take it down or I shouldn't do that because the problem is me versus why are they so upset that I'm setting this boundary? what were they getting from me before? And maybe it's just control or whatever, but what were they getting from me that they're upset that they're going to lose now if I have a boundary in place? And we are not taught.

Laura (21:07)

you

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (21:30)

how to do any of that or how to feel comfortable with that discomfort. And so people I think start to set boundaries but then back down from them really quickly because, man, you're stretching my comfort zone and I don't know what to do with that.

Laura (21:32)

Mm-hmm Yeah

Mm-hmm.

Yes,

yes, yes, exactly. I talk a lot with my therapy clients and with my coaching clients because boundaries does come up with that as well, but mainly with the therapy clients. a lot of times, women, right? there's also this whole gender piece that comes into play and how girls and women were supposed to be accommodating and we can't be.

strong and we can't have opinions and things like that so it's a lot of unlearning and you're right there is that piece of discomfort if i do x and that makes sally feel bad well i don't want to have these feelings i don't want them to have those feelings etc etc so well now how do i fix that i don't set that boundary because now there's

guilt or regret or shame, some of those more uncomfortable feelings. There are no bad feelings, but there are definitely feelings that can cause discomfort. And that doesn't mean that they're bad. It just means that like most times we try to avoid and so we're not familiar with them. And so it's about the work that we do is about how do we try to be more comfortable with them? And you

mentioned the comfort zone and I always talk about this I use it for myself all the time I'm just trying to expand my comfort zone I'm just trying to make that a little bit bigger and so it's the same thing how can we expand your comfort zone you may not like it but how do we work towards accepting and being able to get comfortable with it and recognize that

Erika Taylor-Beck (22:54)

He

Laura (23:08)

this feeling, we can hold this feeling and we can also be proud of ourselves for having this boundary and recognize that we don't have to show up to fix like anything if Sally is feeling xyz well that is something for Sally to work through not we got enough of our own stuff to work on let her have ownership of her own feelings so there's a lot of work that comes with

Erika Taylor-Beck (23:29)

Mm-hmm.

Laura (23:32)

the boundaries.

Erika Taylor-Beck (23:33)

Yeah, it's tough. my experiences have been yes, it's typically women that are conditioned to to play small and to appease others and not make waves. And I'm becoming a big proponent of doing what's right for you, even if it's not

Laura (23:37)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (23:49)

what your parents want for you. If it's not what maybe your spouse wants for you or what society thinks is right for you, do what makes you feel right and good and whole. And it might be uncomfortable for a little bit to do that if you've been used to putting yourself on the back burner. And if your true self is an a-hole, I'm not saying come out and do that. there might be some reason why boundaries are in place for you. don't come out and just be a total jerk with whatever. But like if you feel like you're stifling yourself,

Laura (23:50)

Thank you.

Yeah

No.

Erika Taylor-Beck (24:16)

don't do that because you're going to get to an old age or die and you're going be like, I never really lived my life for myself. it was for other people and they didn't really enjoy the benefit of that. And I just was miserable the whole time. is a little bit of discomfort for a little while better than a lifetime of discomfort of realizing you're not really living your full potential or your full happiness.

Laura (24:17)

Thanks.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (24:35)

And that's something I

think that we don't think about because we're not told to think about it. But it's on my radar right now. And it's hard to do it, especially if you're a people pleaser and you're somebody who is used to staying quiet and staying small and not wanting to make people uncomfortable. It feels like you are in the wrong for standing your ground and for doing what you want. And that's a hard lesson to learn that that's not a bad thing. Like you said, it's uncomfortable.

Laura (24:39)

this.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Erika Taylor-Beck (25:00)

sit with that discomfort for a little bit. And when you get down to the root of it and think about is this coming from? It's often not your baggage. it's some kind of wound, but it's not necessarily yours, or caused by you. And you're dealing with the feelings of it. that's where like therapy comes into play or, spirituality or whatever works for you to do that inner work and that shadow work. But carrying a lot of stuff that has been passed down to us that

Laura (25:08)

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (25:24)

isn't our fault necessarily, but we are dealing with the repercussions of it because it does impact how you live and how you move. And we don't realize that until you wake up and you're 40 and oh my gosh, I'm having a midlife crisis. Why am I doing my life the way I'm doing it? And now I'm trying to pivot, but it feels weird to everyone who knew me before 40. They're like, who are you? What are you doing? And I'm just

Laura (25:45)

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (25:47)

being myself and I'm happy now and I feel more free and they're like, well, you're different. but we're supposed to be, we're supposed to change and grow. And that's uncomfortable too, because you start to lose relationships and people in situations that were comfortable, because when you start to change, you're no longer comfortable in things that used to be comfortable because you're not the same person. I think that's scary, people hear that and they're oh, I don't want that.

Laura (25:48)

Bye.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. yeah

Okay.

Erika Taylor-Beck (26:11)

But again, it's a short-term discomfort for a lifetime or the rest of your lifetime of being happy and real.

Laura (26:11)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think, there's also this process of like grief that goes along with that, grieving what maybe you thought maybe the past who you were and the change that's coming the relationships that may fall off because that's a big piece of it too. Absolutely 100%.

there's a lot of that internal work and going back to the values, it's hard and is it worth it? Is how you want to live your life, is that worth it? What is important to you? How do you wanna be treating yourself? How do you wanna be treating others?

And if someone who is in your life is not going to support you through this and be there with you, whether that's a partner or a friend or, a parent, it's hard. you've got one, you've got one life. That's it. Just one.

No.

Erika Taylor-Beck (27:14)

Man, turned into a heavy podcast. I didn't mean for it to, but it's so important. I just don't think it's talked about. And I say that a lot about things, but because we don't talk about a lot of stuff. We stuff everything under the rug or we roll with it. And everyone's just going through that. Like that's just menopause or that's midlife crisis or that's, and no, it doesn't have to be that way. Why are we settling for this crap?

Laura (27:21)

Mm hmm. hmm. Mm hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (27:35)

And especially

when there are people like you out there doing this work to help people get through these things. you don't have to go through it alone. there's community out there and stuff that makes you feel happy. And I know you mentioned Jenna before Jenna was on the podcast before I know you were part of the musical trio and, and, know, in the different groups that you do, but I feel like that kind of community is just.

Laura (27:38)

Mm Mm hmm.

Yeah. Hell yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (27:54)

It's so lovely to hear and talk about and see, because I've seen some of the videos and things that you all post on social media. everyone looks happy and free and that they're so light to be there. And that looks so amazing. you don't have to go through these things alone. So yes, it might feel heavy and it might feel hard. And the people that you're currently with may not understand it. And some of them will grow with you. so that's okay. Cause I again, went through this big change and my wife was not on the same timeline with me, but she's been very supportive.

Laura (27:55)

you

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah!

Mm-mm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Erika Taylor-Beck (28:21)

We communicated a lot about it. And we're good and we're happy and moving through it, but some people may not want to grow through that with you and that's okay. that's what's right for you. again, where you realize what makes me happy, what makes me feel fulfilled. And maybe it's not these other relationships anymore. Maybe it's not these circumstances. And again, I'm not advocating for anyone to just up and quit your job.

Laura (28:21)

Love it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

True.

Erika Taylor-Beck (28:43)

there should be planning involved. I've been posting recently, I do not recommend it for everybody. And even as a leadership coach, you are in a toxic, toxic environment. I still am not going to tell you to quit unless you have a plan or a backup or something, some kind of safety net. So this is not just quit your job and move to Bali and divorce your spouse. I'm not saying any of that, but just think about what it is that really makes you happy. And can you start to have some conversations about it? Can you start to sit with that discomfort of growth?

Laura (28:48)

No.

Yeah.

Uh-uh.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (29:09)

and discuss it and then reach

out to Laura or somebody to say, hey, I need some support and everyone around me, everyone thinks I'm crazy and I know that I'm not. can we, can we work through this and get some useful tools? So what other tools and tips do you have for folks? Like what's in your toolkit to help them? you mentioned journaling, but what else can you suggest for folks that maybe just feel like, I don't know how to figure this out that you use to help them.

Laura (29:19)

Yeah.

Yeah, so that journaling exercise is a big one. I I'll tell you something that I've talked to my coaching clients about, I've talked to some therapy clients about, and something that I did for myself was the Clifton Strengths Finder. Have you heard of that? Okay, yeah, yeah. That was interesting and it was wildly accurate.

Erika Taylor-Beck (29:47)

Yeah, I like that.

Laura (29:53)

So that was really helpful, really figuring out what are my strengths when at that point where I was I'm going to burn it all down. And then I was okay, what do I need to do? That was part of the things that I did. So I've talked with clients, especially those who are in that burnout place and questioning job stuff. let's look at this and see. cause sometimes it's also well, I don't even know what I want to do next. so we talk about this.

piece, you brought it up a little bit, but I had a client tell me vulnerability with a plan. And I was just ah, yeah, vulnerability with a plan feels much more doable. So like you were saying, like, I'm never going to tell anyone to up and leave their job, I would never tell anyone that but like, how can we do some of this deep work and figure out a plan for you along the way? So

I do a lot of mindfulness work. earlier you mentioned we kind of work on autopilot, and I think that's so true. And then what ends up happening is that we find ourselves reacting to things versus responding to things, where we want to be in a place of how do I want to respond to this versus just purely react.

Erika Taylor-Beck (31:00)

Mm-hmm.

Laura (31:01)

So I do a lot of mindfulness work and that doesn't necessarily mean I'm sitting and I'm meditating, right? I tell my clients that especially those that are coming in to work with me. I'm like, that doesn't necessarily mean we're going to be sitting here meditating. There might be some meditations that are part of this, but sometimes it's really taking a breath and checking in with what is it?

like what sort of thoughts are showing up, what sort of feelings are showing up in this moment. Really doing a lot of that self-awareness piece. So we'll do some mindfulness things. Again, I do a lot of like value stuff, so that is really just kind of like being able to identify and explore values, and we can do that in different ways, but then how do we put this into practice?

what does that feel like? And going forward with that, I had a client who was part of a major tech company and this person really enjoyed being able to go out and do things and have experiences and explore. And so how do we lean into that? what do we need to do to make that happen?

What is that like for you? So we do a lot of that and a lot of mindset work. Being able to honor what is showing up but not fall into is this believable? not falling into true or false. But can this thought help me? even if it's

Not the best most positive thought, but can this help me? Can we use that as motivation to make some changes? because a lot of times, like discomfort avoidance, we tend to shy away, I shouldn't be having these negative thoughts. Well, first of all, we can't control what it is that our mind thinks. So what are we doing with the stuff that is showing up? And how do we make it workable? what's the workability here?

So, yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (32:46)

I love that it sounds very practical and like something that is approachable for most people because I think sometimes if people hear something that sounds a little too out of their comfort zone, they're I'm not want to do that, but this, all sounds very easy to ease into and try, but I think it's really helpful to have those tools to figure these things out so that you're not. have to figure them out on your own because again, typically we just aren't taught the stuff. you don't have the tools. You don't have.

Laura (33:06)

God.

Erika Taylor-Beck (33:10)

the experience to understand how to navigate some of this stuff. And it's not a failure on your part. you might need a coach or a therapist or some kind of mentor to talk to, to help direct you through this because it can feel a little overwhelming when it feels like everything that you're used to is a little bit of an upheaval. that's scary and you can retreat to doing what you have always done, which keeps you where you are.

Laura (33:14)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Erika Taylor-Beck (33:35)

makes no changes or you can embrace the change. again, it's very, very okay to ask for help and say, hey, I'm going through this. I would love some guidance from somebody who has either gone through it or has helped other people go through it. And I think that's really important to know that that's out there.

Laura (33:49)

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

Erika Taylor-Beck (33:52)

No, I think

that is fantastic. And I want to be mindful of your time, but Laura, if somebody is listening to this and thinking, my gosh, this is me, I need to work with Laura. How can they find you? Where can they contact you or just learn more about you and what you're up to?

Laura (34:06)

Yeah, so my therapy business, I am licensed in North Carolina and in Maryland. So if you are in either one of those states, you can go to my website, request a consultation, because like I said, that phone call thing, not so much. So you can reach out through the website, request the consultation, schedule it. The website is Calm Waters Counseling.

Erika Taylor-Beck (34:22)

Ha ha ha.

Laura (34:30)

And then for my coaching business, you can mainly find me on Instagram. So that is Aspire Coaching and Consulting. And then if you're interested in coming to any of the events, if you are in the Carolinas, we pop up in

Charleston we pop up in Charlotte, we pop up in Wilmington, we'll probably add a few other cities around. We've been thinking about exploring and like doing Raleigh, but I need a connection in Raleigh. Oh, right,

Erika Taylor-Beck (34:56)

I I'm kind of close to Raleigh. Just throwing that out there.

Laura (34:59)

Well, you know, maybe, you should come in and experience the band. Because we've got Jenna on the sound bowls, Sam does the wave drum, and I'm over here on the chimes like as we're doing our sound event. And we incorporate that into almost every single thing that we do. But the next event that we're having at least planned is here in Wilmington June 21. And we're doing for

wellness business owners and it's going to be a hands-on marketing workshop and it's a steal of a deal right now. So we get lots of things for a small price and we're gonna have a good time. We've got people signed up already. We have a photographer that's gonna be there for headshots and everything else. I know, right? It was included in the package deal that you get. So, and it's June at the beach.

so you

Erika Taylor-Beck (35:49)

That's yeah, sign

up now. are you still waiting? Why are you even waiting? Excellent. I asked Jenna to maybe consider that you all should do your music and maybe put it out on YouTube because there are a lot of these Zen musical videos that I listen to sometimes when I'm going to sleep. I would love to hear some chimes and sound bowls maybe on Spotify. So I did put that out there. I don't know if she shared that with you, but something to think about, because I do feel like that could be very successful.

Laura (35:52)

Right, right. Exactly that's what I'm saying. yeah.

Yes.

Erika Taylor-Beck (36:15)

video.

Laura (36:15)

Hmm hmm. I

see her at noon. We're having a meeting so I'm gonna be like listen Erika toss this out like I'm throwing it back in Could we make this a possibility because Sam does YouTube things so like we could use Sam's YouTube skills and be like let's do this

Erika Taylor-Beck (36:27)

There you go.

They do this like wooong kind of image on it. And so you don't have to be on camera, but it's just some kind of Zen image and it's the music and it plays for however long and I listen to it and I just have my earbuds in and I get myself Zen before I fall asleep or, So I could listen to the three of you, just putting it out there. I'm just bringing it up again.

Laura (36:37)

Yeah.

I love it. I love it.

Okay, okay, we're gonna have to go public then, you know, bigger platform, the band.

Erika Taylor-Beck (36:58)

Yes, and when y'all go big,

want to have my name in the, was it, they still do CD covers, So anyway, all of that's not even really related, sorry everybody. But Laura, thank you so, so much. This was, I think, a really important conversation and

Laura (37:09)

Yeah.

Erika Taylor-Beck (37:12)

you and Jenna both I genuinely enjoyed you as humans and enjoyed talking to you and felt like could talk to you for hours about these things because they are so important. So everybody check it out. The event in June, I will post all of this stuff in the show notes if you are interested and I will catch you all next time on stumbling forward.

Laura (37:27)

Yay! Bye!